The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys


ART 1: Be the wolf.

Life in the Middle School Jungle is 99% appearance. To survive, you must look formidable. Predators will think twice before attacking you or branding your neck with a hot eraser (see diagram on following page).


* Diagram of THE HOT ERASER (study closely).


Here are some wolf qualities I highly recommend adopting:

1. The unblinking wolf-like stare. This intense gaze will make dirt bags, cranky teachers, and bossy baby-sitters BACK THE HELL UP.


2. Watch your tail. Wolves can see in the dark and can smell threats from miles away. You can’t. So use reflections off windows, wear spy-glasses, and execute a quick spin move every thirty seconds or so to get the drop on any would-be sneak attackers.


REMEMBER: Hone your skills.


Wolves have balls, and they ain’t afraid to show ’em. For too long we’ve been neutered and spayed and taught to be meek, good little boys and girls with no ability to defend ourselves. That may have worked in the kindergarten nap room, but in the Middle School Jungle you gotta go further and let your set hang out. That’s what these arts are all about. So, when in doubt…

3. Give your brain a rest, think with your nuts, and “Let Your Balls Chime In.”

Yours in Combat,

Mads Villanski.


For the next chapter in this epic saga, click here!

2: Be the Wolf