The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys

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SURVIVING THE MIDDLE SCHOOL JUNGLE, AN INTRODUCTION TO THE ART OF BEAITNG UP BAD GUYS

It’s a kill or be-killed world.

Middle School is more dangerous than prison. Prisons at least have guards; we have lunchroom monitors… Please.

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In the Middle School jungle you can never let down your guard.

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And if you think you’re safe when you’re outside school walls, I see an ass-whipping in your future.

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I learned about the perils of the outside world the hard way. At the State Fair last summer…

A pack of mega-d-bags jumped me behind the Tilt-a-Whirl.

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One douche even loogied in my hair after he bloodied my nose.

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Humiliating as it was, the whoopin’ opened my eyes.

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Then a fat kid named Pat offered me popcorn and a hand.

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But heroes don’t eat cheddar corn and don’t take no help.

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I spent the next 9 months in training, turning Mads Villanski (me: a 7th grade puss) into someone who can take care of himself, like Jean-Claude Van Damme (in early works, when he had a mullet).

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The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys is the result of my extensive training, research, and practice. I’ve been employing my tactics with success (varying degrees). Now I am sharing my life’s work with you.

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DISCLAIMER: by following these arts, you may earn a set of mugshots, wind up doing some community service, or simply piss off your parents—BUT you’ll never find yourself on the wrong side of a fat, hairy fist ever again.

Now, onto

1: Intro

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