The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys

P5_01_Operation_Yellow_Banana_Seat

COMMENCE OPERATION YELLOW BANANA SEAT

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STEP 1: INTEL GATHERING

Every successful mission starts with correct and accurate intelligence. Intel can often be gained as easily as picking up your cell phone. Mine, however, was confiscated after a prank call drew police, firefighters, and a SWAT team to my grandmother’s house.

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NOTE: CONTINUALLY DEVELOP ASSETS

The best intelligence sources are often not intelligent at all. All they need to be is close to the action and capable of observation.

Calling Tommy T, Manager at JoJo’s Arcade, I quickly track Mitch Reynolds down.

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Many missions can be run on foot—especially under the cover of darkness or foul weather conditions—but some require swift action lest a target slip away. I had Pat hop on my HBs, and we took off.

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STEP 3: CONFIRM INTEL

In a rapidly changing landscape, intel turns sour faster than ball sweat. You must always double-check to see that the intel is accurate and current.

P5_06_Notes_On_Arcades_and_Douchebags

Why are douchebags drawn to arcades? Video games? Candy? Other douche-bags? Or is it Skeeball prizes?

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STEP 4: ACCOMPLISH THE OBJECTIVE

Finally, it’s go time—literally.

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Ahhhh…. The Golden Shower (no, that’s not a chicken foot). All that’s missing is a cherry on top and a little whipped cream.

Pat’s urine smelled heavily of Kool-Aid, Burger King, and Beggin’ Strips. Note to self: talk to Pat about his diet.

P5_10_Mission_Debriefing

Mission Review: find a place to hang out and go over the op—the pros, the cons, the laughs, and the tears.

Conclusion: Operation Yellow Banana Seat was an overwhelming success. But… I’m concerned Pat may still be a target for bullies.

P5_11_What's_Next

I’m thinking the next Art I teach my little Soulja Boy will include a little voice training…

To learn how Mads trains his new protégé, come back in a week, sucka!

6: Operation Yellow Banana Seat

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