The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys


Art 3: Smoke Bomb Deployment and Diversion Techniques

If you saw an old lady getting mauled by an 8-foot grizzly bear, you would want to help, right? Of course, but does it make sense to run up and get your face torn off? Or would it be wiser to lob a flash-bang grenade and swoop in with Air Cav blasting Ride of the Valkyries? Duh….



I was confronted with just such a dilemma when I saw Mitch Reynolds (6’2”, glass eye, impressive pipes) kicking Pat’s ass, which is exactly why I ALWAYS carry an ESB (Emergency Smoke Bomb) in my backpack. And why you should too.


Step 1 in the ART OF SMOKE BOMB DEPLOYMENT: Produce ESB and light.


Step 2: Let her rip.


Step 3 (the diversion): When target is inundated with smoke, swarm in screaming to create the effect of at least a 6-man coordinated unit.


It worked. Before the ESB had petered out, Mitch retrieved his BMX from the woods and Lance-Armstronged out of there like a little you-know-what.


Step 4: Check to see victim is alive before making a speedy exfiltration of the playground (warning: don’t linger unless you need to provide CPR or collect missing limbs).


Beware: once you provide assistance to a helpless dork, he or she will attempt to become your new BFF and may even suggest a play date.


But I hold firm until Pat mentions a certain word…


If I have a soft side (debatable), it’s for gettin’ back at douchebags.


Pat’s thirst for revenge is convincing. I’m tempted to let him join me, but first, before taking on anyone, you must RUN A QUICK PMT (Pack-Mate Test). To view the results, keep reading. Yours in Combat, Mads Villanski.

4: Smoke Bomb Deployment and Diversion Techniques