The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys

P3_01_Old_Lady_Getting_Mauled_By_Grizzly

Art 3: Smoke Bomb Deployment and Diversion Techniques

If you saw an old lady getting mauled by an 8-foot grizzly bear, you would want to help, right? Of course, but does it make sense to run up and get your face torn off? Or would it be wiser to lob a flash-bang grenade and swoop in with Air Cav blasting Ride of the Valkyries? Duh….

 

P3_02_Somebody_Help_Pat

I was confronted with just such a dilemma when I saw Mitch Reynolds (6’2”, glass eye, impressive pipes) kicking Pat’s ass, which is exactly why I ALWAYS carry an ESB (Emergency Smoke Bomb) in my backpack. And why you should too.

P3_03_Mads_Ignites_Smoke_Bomb

Step 1 in the ART OF SMOKE BOMB DEPLOYMENT: Produce ESB and light.

P3_04_Mads_Throws_Smoke_Bomb

Step 2: Let her rip.

P3_05_Mitch_Diversion

Step 3 (the diversion): When target is inundated with smoke, swarm in screaming to create the effect of at least a 6-man coordinated unit.

P3_06_Mitch_Flees

It worked. Before the ESB had petered out, Mitch retrieved his BMX from the woods and Lance-Armstronged out of there like a little you-know-what.

P3_07_Mads_Saves_Pat

Step 4: Check to see victim is alive before making a speedy exfiltration of the playground (warning: don’t linger unless you need to provide CPR or collect missing limbs).

P3_08_Pat_Picks_Cotton

Beware: once you provide assistance to a helpless dork, he or she will attempt to become your new BFF and may even suggest a play date.

P3_09_Please_Let_Me_Join_You

But I hold firm until Pat mentions a certain word…

P3_10_Pat_Wants_Revenge

If I have a soft side (debatable), it’s for gettin’ back at douchebags.

P3_11_Are_You_Certain
P3_12__More_Than_Anything

Pat’s thirst for revenge is convincing. I’m tempted to let him join me, but first, before taking on anyone, you must RUN A QUICK PMT (Pack-Mate Test). To view the results, keep reading. Yours in Combat, Mads Villanski.

4: Smoke Bomb Deployment and Diversion Techniques

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